Thursday, April 30, 2009
You promised you'll never ignore me again.. Never throw your temper at me again.. Now you are doing it.. You told me to give you another chance.. And i did.. I forgave you so easily... But its really hard for me to make you forgive me instead.. Why cant you understand me..? Why do you have to make things so difficult...? Since you are hurting me, i still wonder, do i even exist in you. Do i have any meaning to you..? Or do you treat me as a typical friend..? I told you on the 22nd.. That you should put your studies first.. After that you could rank me where ever you want to.. But you told me you would put me first.. I wasnt quite convinced. I just wanted to let you do well.. Now you are doing well. Better than me.. And you are telling me, you dont know how to help me.. You would leave me alone when i need you the most. But its okay. I'm lucky i've learnt to be independent. But what if.. Just what if.. I couldnt be independent..? Would you even be responsible for it..? Although you blame yourself, for interrupting my mind i guess, you shouldnt just leave me lying there.. No matter how strong people are.. They still need support. Guess what...? You changed me.. I deprive myself of female friends.. I changed my thinking.. Yet again, i still make friends, but with boys. But if we no longer are together, i doubt the boys will still contact me. In this world, is there still such over-kind people..? I understand people change, but why do you have to treat me so coldly...? Especially when i need you.. I'm upset.. That you're doing this to me.. But i'm prepared.. For the day you say "i dont love you anymore" Perhaps it would be after the exams. Im not accusing you, but maybe you just dont want to be guilty. I truely know you are not that type of person, but from what i see and know, i force myself to believe that this is happening to me.. Please.... If you no longer feel the same, be straightforward.. I dont want to remember days that i was being cheated upon. You talk to other people.. But leave me waiting for you to say something.. Is it that you have fallen for someone else..? I dont believe that.. But why, oh why are you so damn cold to me.. Are you trying to get a motive..? This time i will no longer be that soft hearted. If you are at fault, you are at fault. Since you think you are doing whats right for me every time you ignore me, then i shall ignore you as well. So there, I will not be left hanging.. While you are having to enjoy my care for you.
LOVE&JOY
«6:31 PM»
Y
Today, was alright.. No point elaborating on what happened.. Cuz i guess if you are reading this, then you might be knowing what happened today.
The days are filled with laughter,
Always so fake..
Why is there only that once,
That is so genuine...?
I want to be happy,
I want to relax..
But i feel im getting worse..
Doing others instead of my best..
But now i feel the pain..
When i see the score..
What laughter i made..
Was something so dead.
I want to work hard...
Absorb all i can take..
But its really too late..
The time has passed..
I cant study....
It wont help..
I dont do visualisation..
Its the hearing that counts..
What am i going to do...?
Im lost....
LOVE&JOY
«4:47 PM»
Y
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Until now, i only posted until C for the links.. I think i missed out some important ones... But i dont want to do anymore.. My mind is corrupted.. With thoughts.. Of him. Loh Shun Rong. I have to make a decision.. Would he be happy if i leave him..? (As in eventually after the hurt is gone) Perhaps not.. I dont want him to do badly.. In exams. I will continue.. Does anyone understand...? I guess not.. Darling.. I love you...
LOVE&JOY
«9:07 PM»
Y
Why do most adults look down on teenagers..? Why do they have to treat teenagers lik rebels..? Even those that are innocent.. Perhaps once you change your image (physical), adults would regard you as some.. Gangster i guess..? They might perhaps have to learn that, not all teenagers are like this.. They tell us not to judge, then why do they judge. You adults say teenagers do not have minds.. They are stubborn, act rashly. But have you ever thought of the bigger picture..? See the amounts of divorce people are having.. The amount of unhappy families. Adults think they make the right decision. But have you ever wondered, that somewhere perhaps.. In the decisions you make for us, was what YOU wanted instead of US..? Parents say that its for our own good. But ever thought that humans do not make 100% accurate decisions...? Why not let us decide for ourself for at least once, so we could regret.. We are too young...? Perhaps not always so. Look carefully for yourself. Inside teenagers are people who think. Because we have time, there is much more for us to think, to explore. Companies, looking for creativity.. Its teenagers who would give ideal kind of ideas.. Most importantly, adults should not look on us like the worse thing that could ever happen in their child. And i seriously think that parents control some of us at the wrong time. Its too tight that its common that people can't even watch television..
Conclusion is: Teenagers ARE NOT dumb or stupid. It really just depends how you look at us.
LOVE&JOY
«7:29 PM»
Y
